New York, NY – In a brave series of complaints to friends and family these last few months, first-year Timothy Giannis has shed light on his unconscionable working conditions. “The hours are insane. It’s totally unfair,” fumed the 21-year old earning a higher wage than most Americans ever will in their lifetimes.
The Georgetown grad, who friends report works in tech or finance or some shit, definitely seems to be going through it. After showing up late to a friend’s birthday dinner, Giannis was promptly forced to leave early to take a work call declaring, he’s “practically a prisoner” of the extremely lucrative job he could leave anytime.
Giannis is not afraid to detail the extent of this injustice, keeping his family, friends, and first dates closely apprised of his grueling work schedule. “It’s like Tim, I get it. You don’t need to text me about your 100-hour work week,” said college friend Samantha Stewart. “If you hate it so much then why not leave? It’s not like you don’t have options,” added the woman who clearly knows nothing about the anguish of the human condition or the golden handcuffs of a childless twenty-something.
Always a fighter, Giannis plans to push back on his institution for his long hours and unfair pay, “There’s a generational shift in the way we talk about labor rights and I, a young analyst making well over a hundred thousand dollars, feel obliged to add my voice to this conversation.” Giannis was last seen in his Tribeca apartment making a chart emphasizing that, on a per hour basis, his pay is “practically illegal.”
